Eighteenth Monday: “Not a day goes by without me thinking about my business. And how very dear it is to me.”

I think about happiness every single day. 

I think about it in general and what it means to me. I think about peace and happiness and how happiness comes with peace.

And vice versa.

Not a day goes by without me thinking about my business. And how very dear it is to me. I can’t say I was unhappy in my day-job, before starting as a full-time photographer, but I wasn’t happy either.

Not a day goes by without me thinking that it sure feels like a weekend or holiday of some sorts all. The. Time. I thought it would’ve faded by now. Because of the hectic March and even more hectic April. First trimester is soon over and I still have my head in the clouds.

When I did photography during evenings and weekends and holidays I learned to associate the part-time entrepreneurship to pleasure. Day-job was obligatory. Or at least I thought so.

So actually it’s not strange at all that my present day-job feels like a holiday or a weekend. It’s just so strange that the feeling won’t go away.

I guess it’s called happiness.

Breakfast at the cottage:

Slice of full-corn bread with roasted ham, cheese and tomato slices. Glass of multivitamin juice. Two cups of coffee. Candy.

rea

Thirteenth Monday: “Life is too short to be an abbreviation.”

I’ve worked in places where the only right way to work was to be busy. Or at least look busy. Sometimes I wanted to take some time outside the office to think or plan but after realizing I was getting the evil eye, I buried the idea.

I hated the meetings where diary pages were turned dramatically. Every single meeting rolled out to the table. Sighs huffed too loudly. The joy had left the building many moons ago and I felt there was something so fundamentally wrong about the idea of looking busy but never accomplishing enough.

That’s the illusion of monthly salary and fixed hours.

I argue that even the 9 to 5 jobs could get a good old face-lift if only employers would trust employees more. Trust them in ways that aren’t very popular yet.

Leave titles home. Who cares if you’re the CEO or OSP or TYD or ENL? Goals are hardly achieved with the help of abbreviations. Be a mentor. Be the leader who gives credit, doesn’t debit.

Pay for the work done and not for the hours spent at the office. Mobiles are meant to be mobile. And I don’t believe the core idea of an email is to float from the 4th floor to the 2nd. In case you didn’t know.

Don’t reward with more work, reward with something that attracts the employees. That makes them more committed. More satisfied. More relaxed and happy.

Because life is too short to be an abbreviation. To send in-house emails. To be too busy to enjoy the career you’ve always dreamed of.

Seriously.

Breakfast: An Orange, Dish of 4-corn porridge, two (Moomin) cups of coffee and a self-baked oat cookie

Twelfth Monday: “I like the idea that my life isn’t so easy anymore.”

I’ve never considered myself as a very hardworking person. I’ve seen and felt myself more like a procrastinator who works her butt off before every single deadline.

And it hasn’t really bothered me. Until I decided to leap.

I was brought up knowing that the way to success isn’t dreaming. It’s doing. But would the rule apply to me too? I was a bit worried about this procrastination of mine because as a full-time entrepreneur everything would be up to me.

I looked the risk eye to eye. I sensed the chance of me just simply enjoying my creative freedom a bit too much. I saw myself drifting. Would I get things done or would I end up being a lazy lady?

It’s been very empowering to discover that I’m not the procrastinator I thought I was. I’m a doer when things need to be done. I’m the one who wants to move forward and actively look for different and creative ways to do so.  

I like the idea that my life isn’t so easy anymore. I’m a firm believer that the harder I work the better business (and myself) gets. Back in the day-job days I did a good job, sometimes the best I could.

Nowadays I exceed my own expectations more often than back then.

And that keeps me going. That feels good. Almost as good as dreaming. 

Breakfast: Two Karelian pies (rice filling) with cheese and cucumber slices, glass of multivitamin juice, two (N) cups of coffee.

Eleventh Monday: “I’ve always been good with money”

I’ve always been good with money.

I was 9 years old when I purchased my very own stereo with my very own money. I saved my weekly allowances and birthday money for two years. I made mum bought me candy and toys so that I wouldn’t had to use my pennies for those ancillary things.

So when the day finally came and we went to our local department store I had only one question in mind. Should the stereo have one or two c-tape decks? I bought the cheaper one that had only one deck and regretted ever since.

I’ve been thinking about my relationship with economy a lot lately. It has something to do with the fact that nowadays I have to reassess what I actually need and needto buy. But even more it has to do with the fact that as an entrepreneur I am in charge of my own income and I know exactly where does it come from - and sadly, where it goes.

In Finland I get to keep just under 50 % of all income. It means I pay 23 % VAT to the tax authorities and 22,5 % pension contribution to my pension insurance company. After this I need to pay my own insurances and other fixed costs.

Real thing. No parties.

But the truth is that I don’t need that much money.

The more I have, the more I spend.

The less comes in, the less goes out.

It’s a very simple song, but extremely hard to remember in the dark hours of night when you’re lost in your own head.

Money gives me comfort and nice things.

But it won’t give me the joy that I get seeing one of my pictures hanging on client’s wall.

Breakfast: Semolina pudding (with lots of sugar, cinnamon and butter), rye bread with basil and cheese, glass of mango-orange juice and two cups of coffee

Tenth Monday: “It’s a little bit like gardening. The more you plant, the more you harvest.”

Hello crazy March. I have been waiting for you. And fearing for you. Now that you’re here, I don’t know how to be with you.

I enjoyed the slowness of the first two months as a full-time photographer. Shoot here, another one there. Not too much to do. Enjoyable amount of doings every day. I didn’t set the alarm to wake me. I woke up myself.

But hello March who is going to teach me the lesson of Working Hard In This Business. I’ve planned my days so that I really get things done. But I’ve already realized that when you have four or five shoots per week, you get really tired. I mean. Really. Tired.

I think it’s due to the fact that I’m nowadays doing more physical work and not only sitting on my bum. For example I’m always starving after 10 hrs wedding shoot. But that’s just body aching. I believe it’s just to say that the real fatigue comes from evolving.

Evolving as a business owner. As a photographer. As a people person (who I haven’t always been). Evolving takes energy and it takes time. Gift in return is the good old fatigue that wears me out and shakes my days.

But if it won’t kill me, it strengthens me. It’s the kind of evolution everyone should experience. No, I don’t like these confusing and worn out feelings every single evening. But I do enjoy solving the puzzle. Building my dream. It’s a little bit like gardening. The more you plant, the more you harvest.

Waking up to an unknown day is one of the most amazing gifts we hold. New day gives new challenges. Sure, it steals my energy and makes me feel tired. But after a good night’s sleep I realize I’ve once again gained a bit more knowledge. A bit more satisfaction.

And the meaning and the reason. 

Breakfast: Dish of 4-corn porridge with banana slices, glass of Mandarin juice, two cups of coffee. And a laptop.

Ninth Monday: “I used to get paid doing something that felt like hard work.”

It took me this long to be able to enjoy spur of the moment thingies with my friends in the middle of the day. Today we went to Vapiano (yes, Helsinki has one) and ate pasta. You know the kind of pasta that makes you feel really good. That is salty and spicy and tasty all the way. And why did it taste so good?

Because I wasn’t feeling guilty.

I got so used to working from 9 to 5 (well, in my case it was more like 8 to 4) that when I jumped into the cold and lonely world of entrepreneurship, I didn’t bring my body clock with me. Well, not at first, at least.

I think from the Day 1 (Jan 2^nd) I’ve realized how darn lucky I am. It’s amazing to be able to time your working hours as you wish. Here’s a rough sketch of my weekdays. (They look totally different on the days I have a session or two.)

Wake up around 8 am

Breakfast, reading, tv, news from 8 am to 9 am

Emails, blogging, writing, bookkeeping from 9 am to noon

Siesta: Lunch, long walk, reading, relaxing from noon to 4 pm

Planning, edits, practice from 4 pm to 9 pm

Reading, watching tv, chores from 9 pm to 11 pm

But even though I’ve felt happy and lucky about this change, it has been mentally crushing. And it took me two months to get over it.

So as we ate pasta I told my friend how much I enjoyed being there. Finally it hit me, that I’m usually working 6 or 7 days a week, 8 to 10 hours a day. But I don’t give myself any credit for it.

Because I do what I love. Because I put my heart and soul into it.

Because I used to get paid doing something that felt like hard work.

Breakfast: Two cups of coffee (Mine with milk, please) & one smiley banana

Eighth Monday: “I’m afraid what they’d think.”

”Why do you do things like everyone else if you want to stand out?”

”Because I’m afraid what they would think.”

”Who?”

”Well… Umm… Other photographers.”

”Other photographers? Shouldn’t you be more worried about your clients?”

At that moment I saw the biggest ”yes” of my life so far.

Breakfast: Dish of 4-corn porridge with milk, glass of Orange juice, self-baked roll ( I should vary my meals, I know…) 

Seventh Monday: “I don’t work in order to amuse myself.”

I gave myself a task. I wanted to fractionate the five most important things that guide my decision making as a creative business owner. This is what I came up with.

First thing. Business means growth. Nobody is a full-time photographer (I hope) without thinking about growing his or her business. So, every decision I make, has to profit me somehow. Profit doesn’t always mean more money; it can also mean mental growth or stronger technical wisdom.

Second thing. I am very happy to be a creative business owner. It means that hand in hand with the profit part goes the creative part. I get to live out of ideas. Therefore every decision I make has to be guided by my vision. And vice versa. It has to guide my vision. It has everything to do with finding your voice as an artist.

Third thing. Customer satisfaction comes first. I don’t work in order to amuse myself. Most importantly this means my attitude. It’s true that I hardly ever bargain my vision or how I do things. I want to shoot using ambient light. I want to have written contracts with all my clients. But I firmly believe that all of those things are the kind that my clients profit from.

Fourth thing. In Finland, it’s super easy to run a business that is eco-friendly. Sustainable development is a dear subject to me. It’s part of my identity and as a creative business owner it fits well to the bigger picture. We owe so much to our environment that there is no question about whether or not it should be a factor in decision-making.

Fifth thing. It’s not possible to achieve anything without properly accepting the fact of constant change. Everything is in constant move. So is my business. It’s easier for me to deal with surprises and unpleasant occasions if I understand the concept of change. Actually. When I accept the fact that everything changes there really isn’t unpleasant surprises.

Because thinking molds our behavior, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t use few minutes of my precious working days doing it.

I forgot to photograph my breakfast, so I had to improvise: Dish of 4-corn porridge with Boysenberries, Tropical fruits juice & Two cups of dark roasted coffee

Sixth Monday: “It’s often harder to make a living in Your World than in Someone Else’s World.”

I don’t believe we Finns are taught to think outside the box, really. I feel like our school system supports an idea of a world that exists inside a box.

Between four walls. No exits.

But every now and then someone crazy looks for an emergency one.

In order to step outside the box to the world that is bigger than the box itself. That is outside one’s lovely little comfort zone. That is a bit cold. And totally unknown.

It’s called Your World.

It’s often harder to make a living in Your World than in Someone Else’s World. Your World doesn’t have that many boundaries to guard you. And there are no such people who get paid for killing your wild ideas. The ones that are most likely unworthy to execute.

Leaving one’s lovely little comfort zone means growth.

Leaving the box means buying food with the money someone paid you because they think Your World actually exists.

It’s kinda awesome, really.

Breakfast: Dish of 4-corn porridge with blueberries and strawberries, an orange, glass of mango-orange juice, cup of coffee with milk

Fifth Monday: “At 4 am the Universe is different.”

January went by slowly. ”Do you think January has lasted longer than other months?” I queried from a friend. This was the thing I kept wishing for back when I had a day job. That the time would go by more slowly.

But the more slowly the time goes by the more anxious and stressed I get. I am too aware of the challenges I need to conquer and I even become slightly scared of them. I’d  like to see where I am in three years. But all I am given is life in slow motion.

I can hear how the time ticks. Slowly.

Loudly.

Sometimes I discover myself wide-awake at 4 am. I toss and turn under the warmth of my blanket. I open my eyes to view the pitch-black room. I listen to family’s breathing. And there, in the blackness of the night, surrounded by love, I always feel lonely.

At 4 am the Universe is different. Before dawn life is always harder, choices always tougher, talents less significant and money harder to make. Is it the ticking that clouds my brain? 

I celebrated my first month as a full-time photographer with Chinese food. The last 30 days have been strange. Not a day goes by without me being ecstatic about the freedom I have. Nor the ticking inside my brain.

How to market cost-effectively?

How to attract new clients?

How to pay rent?

It is a thin line between enjoyment and terror. But I guess it’s always like that before every new adventure.

Breakfast: Cup of organic detox infusion tea, dish of Natural Yoghurt along with Boysenberries and Fair Trade honey